Looking forward to the Future

"In the decades that passed since then, she never forgot how easily a girl could be sent away and ignored as if she had never existed. As she grew older, she realized that age was no protection: Wives would become inconvenient and be put aside as easily as daughters."
The Cross Country Quilters, Jennifer Chiaverini

I am a book reader. I actually started reading books in Kindergarten.. I remember my very first book being If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, the next thing I knew I was reading those big fat chapter books (You know classics like Tom Sawyer and Great Expectations, but they are written with pictures and GIANT letters??). Well I read and read... Reading was a way of coping, escaping, living different lives and so forth. This could be the very reason I am contemplating mastering in that very subject, Reading.

I think life would be lovely if I could read all day everyday and then just talk about books, as I would old friends. Share the memories, love and life they brought to  me. So that is what I am going to do, here... along with all of my other exciting life adventures, you know refurbishing tables and all....

So, let me explain the quote. When I was young my dad was not a good guy. I know this not from stories I have been told, but from actual memories. We had to get away from him and that situation... In many ways I always wished for a dad, especially when girls I played with told me about how great there's were, but EVEN when they complained about theirs, I wished mine would decide I was worth the fight over his addictions and problems and try to be a part of my life; needless to say this never happened..
When I was 15, approaching my 16th birthday I was offered a chance to move in with my grandma... I jumped on it... I abandoned my brothers and sister for my own happiness. I regret only that I couldn't take them with me... however this decision did wonders for me.  I always wondered if my mom would ask me to return home, but looking back I see the blessing she gave me in letting me stay there and never feel conflicted about it.

As this year of 2012 ends I am reflecting back on all of the hardships of the year, many brought on by my own stubbornness, pride, anger.... I've made an extensive list and I plan on ripping it into tiny pieces and burning it. I would say the worst things on there are the things that I actually couldn't control.... losing my child at 11 weeks pregnant... but that trial was for a greater purpose, part of God's master plan and while I am still grieving and will continue to for a while, I am not a victim of those circumstances. I would say my biggest mistake was not taking opportunities as they were given to me. This year I do not plan on passing these up. For example, I was offered a job, something about it didn't feel right, I didn't accept it.... Then I was offered another job, took it for a minute then decided it wasn't right for me... then I started looking for work, seriously looking and nothing turned up. Is God saying, why did you close those other doors that I opened so easily for you?? Or is He simply saying, good job, hold out, I have better things yet to come.. I pray for the latter and not the former.. and some days I think it is the former and I get especially down on myself.
So My resolutions for 2012 are as follows, but not limited by:

• Seize everyday and live it to the utmost, no regrets. This can be extended by saying to truly and fully make the most of everyday, not sleeping in, not wasting my time doing mindless activities (i.e. games on my phone, Facebook snooping, and Pinterest!! I am addicted to say the least)...
• Make sure the people around me feel loved, appreciated, needed and valued. I need not explain this MUCH but if I make sure to do the FIRST one, this this will easily follow.
• Pursue my dreams... go back to school, to start the journey towards my Masters Degree.. whatever it be in, probably reading, but maybe counseling, we will see.
• Make sure that God continues to be the center of my household. Claire loves the Lord, and I plan to continue instilling that love of God in her through my actions.
• Finally, take time for myself, my soul and my body. Some days I actually forget to do this, some weeks I forget, and  I am pretty sure there were a few months this last year that I hated myself so much I purposefully gave myself no time to love who I am. I plan on eating healthy, but treating myself when I feel it is appropriate and I am not emotionally eating. I plan to continue working out with my personal trainer of almost 3 years now, continuing my running journey (which I will also blog about quite a bit) which started almost 7 years ago, reading, praying, writing, singing and doing some other fun classes at the gym... .all of this just because I want to.

Ok, now that I went through all the bad stuff, junk I am throwing away, I want to celebrate a lot of Good. 

My daughter Claire turned 2 this year. She is such an incredible blessing to me and my family. While I prayed and thought she needed a sibling I am learning that that may not be in God's plan for her. I am OK with that. She is a tough firecracker, with spunk enough to get me through my days! Today she actually pedaled her tricycle all by herself with her feet!! She's been pushing it with her feet saying that was easier, but today she did it and kept saying "Watch me I did it!" These are the moments I live for... Also she is napping right now, I live for those moments too! She says the funniest things like when we asked her to say the Thanksgiving prayer and her mouth was FULL of potatoes, she simply stated "I'm eating po ta toes!" and kept on chewing away. Once she finished she said the most beautiful innocent prayer a person could dream of.
I graduated from the Credentialing program through Cal State teach with a couple of amazing girls in my cohort that I couldn't have celebrated without, Karen and Myra you two are special, let's go to lunch again.. OK THAT was an accomplishment... took me 2 years of Hard work, especially with a tiny baby to tote around and working full time and that school full time. I honestly don't know why I am so hard on myself when I look back and see these awesome good things I can do when I let go and tell God to take over.. of course I don't completely let go, I can't.. I'm too controlling... ha.

I ran a half Marathon in Hawaii in April with my sister and a couple of other girlfriends.  I was so excited to take my Medal to school and show it off to my Junior high students. They were pretty impressed that I ran 13.1 miles without stopping, but then again I was their P.E. teacher so they weren't THAT surprised. I ran a color run with my friend Christa, 5k in 22 minutes (she clocked it at 21, but we decided that was TOO fast so it must have been wrong haha)... I ran a 10k with this same great friend, her boyfriend Matt, my friend Alyssa, her husband and my husband, up at Bass Lake. and honestly the highlight of my running year was the 7 miles I ran at Baker to Vegas, a cop relay we enjoy going to and being a part of. That was fun.

This summer my husband had a work training and he left for 10 days. I realized while he was gone that I am actually a very independent woman. I kept the house running as usual, taking on his responsibilities (not mowing the lawn, I don't do that), but I did take care of the garden and the plants outside. Claire was kept safe ALL year long (not just this time period), but I felt pretty good for accomplishing that, and we did some fun mom/daughter bonding activities (also not just during that time, but that moment really stands out)... I kept my house clean, made yummy food, worked out, and took care of my dogs too.. I guess even after being a 28 year old women that was the moment I decided I am not just playing house anymore, I am an adult with responsibilities and I can do it on my own, that makes me feel pretty strong.

I read a bunch of books this year. May not seem like a big deal, but taking time out to read a book is finding that "me" time that I need. I plan on continuing that.

Finally, last but not least, I was a part of a fun production "A Christmas Carol" put on by the Wish Theater and Koinonia Church. I had a small role, but I felt like I made a big difference. I don't always feel like I have gifts I can bless people with, but I finally felt like I was blessing others and glorifying God with my talents by doing this project.

Looking back on my year I feel incredibly blessed. I am going to continue to focus on these good things, forget those bad things that the devil keeps reminding me about. When he brings them up I can now simply say, (Or try to say) I see what you're doing, I am not that person, I am not that victim and I am not going to live in the past, but look forward to the future and continue looking for every opportunity to glorify God with my life.

Table Re Vamped!

I bought a "Kitchen Table" at a local thrift store for $40. I knew it was exactly what I was looking for and dreaming of as my scrapbook table. Ask my husband and he will tell you my least favorite thing in the house is the woodgrain in EVERYTHING we own. I like colors, I like pops, I like feelings, I like something different! So what did I do? I went on Pinterest and found a paint that can cover anything without sanding (because I am not THAT adventurous). So I bought this at Walmart..

First I painted the table with this lovely white primer. I let it dry overnight. Then I painted it with Peacock Blue! A lovely choice if I do say so myself. I love it! It has character.

Then I placed it in my guest room that I organized all day! I was so happy to go through everything I have scrapbook/photo/memory wise and put it all in one place! Ever binder, picture, book and box has a purpose and a place and I couldn't be happier. 

5 Generations!

Have you ever had a friend that you hadn't spoken to in years and years, but then something brings you together? I have been blessed with many friends like this. Life pulls us apart and then love brings us back together again. My best friend in grade school was Kristin. She and I are small town girls in Central Cali, with BIG plans to move away to Idaho and have a ranch and live next door to each other. Welp, we both ended up staying in our cute small town. Little did we know, but soon found out at Birthing Class that our first born chillins were going to be due a month apart! Our babies brought us together. I found out she takes FABULOUS pictures (how could she NOT!?) and so I recruited her for Claire's 2nd birthday pics and our family 5 generation pictures. 
 Here is a picture of my lovely blue eyed girl, Claire Dionna Suzanne Dobbins. She is such a blessed little one. My husband's  mom's side of the family had been waiting for a girl for over 45 years and here she is! Grandmother Dionna, Great Grandmother Delores and Great Great Grandmother Burnice, have never been happier, Grandfathers give TONS of hugs and presents and Mom and Dad are so very proud of our tiny princess. She has her feisty moments, but I am glad for them. They prove to me (not that giving birth wasn't enough proof!) but they prove to me that she is definitely my own! I am a stubborn one and I fight for what I believe in, this apple does not fall far from the tree.

 This is my favorite picture of all of us girls. In the front we have Claire and Great Great Grandma Burnice. In the back we have Me!, Great Grandma Delores and Grandma Dionna (my admirable loving mother in law! I am definitely a blessed woman!). My husband's family have treated me as if I am a part of their own and welcomed me with loving open arms. They love Claire and that is really all that matters, but they love, respect and support me too which is so wonderful!