CLAIRE is 3 and as SwEeT as can be!

May 12, 2010 was the day Claire Dionna Suzanne Dobbins was born and my life was changed forever.

 (She's 3!)

Being a mom really DID change my life completely. I could no longer just go out anytime I wanted, do whatever, whenever I wanted, go on a date with my husband whenever we felt like it... arrangements must be made for anything and everything now a days. We take into consideration how our actions will affect our daughter, time away, is it really worth it? Is this time away beneficial to our lives enough to not be spending that time with our daughter. Typically the answer is, yes, the time away is important enough. And we have been so incredibly blessed with family that is always willing and able to spend time with Claire so we can go out on dates, go to the gym, go to school and work. I think Chase and I are a pretty good team, backed by some pretty incredible family members.
So, yesterday, for Claire's birthday we made the day ALL about her, nothing much better whether you are 3 or 30, right?
First we got donuts for breakfast, then we rode scooters around the neighborhood. Then we got the house ready for a party, cleaned, prepped food, and got our 3 year old ready for her nap, which she never really took with all of the excitement. While she was "quietly resting" in her room we filled the entire house with streamers and balloons, you should have seen her face when "rest time" was over! Pure joy!
We had family over for Claire's choice of food: Hamburgers, chicken, rice, salad, green beans and of course CUPCAKES.

After blowing out her 3 birthday candles and making a wish ( I have no idea what she wished for, but I would like to find out), then we promptly went to opening gifts. All other gifts were ignored, forgotten and tossed to the side once she saw Roller Blades from her Uncle Kyle, which she had to wear for the duration of opening gifts. 

Luckily she had a helmet! Her new roller blades were coupled with knee pads, elbow pads and gloves! She looked so cool, and she had so much fun skating around with her dad, look at that smile!

We cleaned up after all the family left and we will continue the celebration for a few weeks. She gets to go to the movies and Monterey Bay Aquarium for the first time soon. We do special milestones for each year. For example, when you are 3 you get to go to the movies, when you are 4 you can go to a baseball game, 5 Disneyland, 10 she can get her ears pierced... etc... This makes every year fun with something to look forward to. We keep in mind her development and what we think she will enjoy (with her active personality outdoor things are typically the best!) We took her camping at only 3 months old, and we will be doing that every year until we can't move!

I had Claire answer this really exciting questionnaire! I can't wait to do this with her again next year and every year after to compare the answers. She is so FUNNY!

What is your name? Claire Dionna Suzanne Dobbins ______

How old are you?____________________Free (3)________                

What is your favorite color?____________Pink_______________________

Who are your Best Friends?___Bobbi, Mommy and Daddy__________________________

Favorite animal?_______The Elephant__________________________________________

What do you want to be when you are all grown up?____Kill Bad Guys_________________

What are your favorite movies?_Home Alone, Harry Potter, Curious George, Daddy Day care, Scooby Doo, Monsters Inc, Little Monsters,

What are your favorite books?_ _Twinkle Twinkle Star, (recited the poem twinkle star), Olivia, Elmer, Curious George.

What makes you happy?____You laughing.

What does Your mom/dad do for work? Mommy goes to the gym and school. Daddy goes to work and kills bad guys.

Where do you like to eat? In Panera with a baby chair, I eat sandwiches and macaroni and rice and beans and green beans and and I drink chocolate milk and eat raviolis.

What did you want to eat for your birthday? Cupcakes,

What is your favorite food to eat?__________Chocolate Milk, Raviolis, Mac and Cheese, chicken nuggets, corn dogs, baby hamburgers.

What is your favorite song to sing?_Dear Abby, Drive my truck,

What games do you like to play?___Riding bikes, scooter, swing set, bubbles, going to the park, I like to do push ups (shows me some push ups)

  

A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.

--Agatha Christie

Organizing, de-cluttering and cleaning.

Many people call it "Spring Cleaning" but if you were to visit our home it might as well be called spring, summer, fall and winter cleaning. Every season I get into moods where I start organizing, de-cluttering and cleaning things that don't get the USUAL weekly go around (i.e. vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the stove/fridge/counters, bathrooms you know, the usual)...Last year when the school year was over I made a list of "To-do" for the summer and I completed it in a week because I was so excited to check items off of my list.
Well, a couple of weeks ago I got into I guess what is technically "winter cleaning." And the feeling hasn't gone away and the list is being formed and checked off daily. I think I got my husband, Chase, in on it too, he started cleaning a shelf in the pantry... of course this could have been to make room for the alcohol my mom gifted us.  My mom is going on a cleaning streak in her kitchen and she is passing items onto me... (like the aforementioned alcohol). So, of course I decided i should clean out my entire house and I have been busy.
Last week I decided to tackle my closet. I went through my 2 drawers of workout clothes, and through all of the hangers. Once I was finished I had to go shopping. I hold onto things that either no longer fit, are falling apart, or unflattering (why did I buy THAT in the first place?? lol)
Today I went through the pantry.. I typically "organize" the pantry every couple of weeks after grocery shopping, but actually cleaning it and de-cluttering, that's once every 3 months...However, even though I tackle this favorite job (seriously I love organizing my pantry items) I found some stuff that shouldn't have been in there... first of all I found some beef jerky that had got shoved in the back of the pantry... it had mold on it.. i didn't even think that was possible..then I found some food items dated 2010 and 2011....needless to say I threw those items away.
Yesterday I organized the "Spice cabinet".. I like to only keep spices in there, but somehow there were spices, medications (some dated 2009!),  and an old sticky timer...
Next up are Claire's toys/clothes... so if anyone around here that's reading this blog is looking for (or knows someone who needs) toddler type toys/clothes let me know, she has wayyyy too many.
After Claire's toys/clothes I will probably be done until next season, unless I find something else that needs organizing/de-cluttering... I do keep a junk drawer in the kitchen, but I organized that a couple of weeks ago too... it has a battery kit, candles and some pens/paper for lists and such....
My Aunt Cindy once told me that I should start a business, de-cluttering people's items, because I love it so much. That would be the BEST job ever.

The artist in all of us

“Art is not only for the few who develop a talent or master a medium. We all can use various art forms to facilitate self expression and personal growth.”  Natalie Rogers, Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy by Gerald Corey

Thank you Natalie Rogers for that reassurance! A few people recently have asked me why I decided to start blogging. Blogging is a way of self expression, an artwork... I have always kept a prayer journal, this journal is similar, but electronic and public.  N. Rogers has encountered many people with sad stories about how they no longer feel as though they are contributors to the art world. Perhaps they were coloring a picture in grade school and the teacher told them they were using the wrong colors, or coloring outside the lines. Our education system, whether you like it or not, pushes conformity. It is desired that all of the students to do the exact same thing and travel down the exact same paths and color in all of the same lines. There are many problems with this, but mainly we are squashing any hopes of creativity. 

If we want our future to be creative souls then we need to accept them for whatever color they may choose to be their favorite. Right now, my daughter, Claire's favorite color is Brown. However, this color changes daily.
She is getting to the age (approaching 3 in May) where she desires to be just like me and wants to marry her daddy. (my favorite color is not brown, but she doesn't know that yet). This is totally normal! Of course, I am getting a little nervous that I am going to cause her to forget who she is and become who I want her to become. She will ask me everyday when she is getting dressed "Mom, are you wearing your boots today?" "Yes, Claire I am wearing my boots today." "OK, then I want to wear my boots too." or if she gets to choose an M&M, a treat for using the restroom (she doesn't need this potty training reinforcement but we both really like peanut butter M&M's so we still eat one.. anyway, she will ask me, "Mom, did you choose the yellow M&M?" "I haven't picked mine yet, you pick first." "OK, but I want you to pick the Yellow one like me." "OK, I will."
You see where this is going? This is my daily conversation, with everything. You name it, she wants to make sure that I approve, agree, comply and that I am also going to be enjoying what she is enjoying and visa-versa. 

Claire colored this picture and I labeled each person for her. 

Did I tell all of you about the time I asked Claire what her favorite thing to do was? If I did, sorry for the repeat, but when I asked her, she answered that she loved playing outside with her best friend Bobbi. I asked her what her next favorite thing to do was and she said "Poop and Pee!" and then we both laughed all the way home from school! However, the other day she asked me what my favorite things to do are and I answered that I loved snuggling on the couch with her and reading stories. You guessed it, I asked her yesterday what her favorite thing to do is and she answered "read." She has actually always been a lover of written words, just like her mom and dad : ) but I hope she still loves playing outside with Bobbi and of course going to the bathroom works too, I will accept her even if I don't agree, ha ha.

So what are some other art forms that I use for self expression and personal growth, besides writing? I run, attend spin classes and boot camp style/cross fit classes... I'm not super fast, and I am not in the Olympics, but exercise is a release for me, a way of letting go of the troubles through my days, a therapy of sorts. I don't have to be "good at it" like I would have to be if I were to join perhaps a soccer or dance team. For all of you that know about how uncoordinated I am, don't worry I won't be joining any teams. 
 I am excited to grow with Claire on her journey, explore her artistic nature, help her find her ways of self expression and personal growth. I am excited to see how she glorifies God with her life.

So, let me conclude with this question: Were your artistic abilities squashed? What happened? How are you creative today? How do you express yourself? What helps you in your journey of self exploration?

learning stuff

I am learning a lot of cool stuff at school.

I come home every Tuesday/Thursday with a brain-full of new information to relay to any poor individual that comes within my path.. Typically my husband, Chase...my sister, Justine.. or my 2 year old daughter, Claire.. and now you dear reader.

So last week in my Abnormal psychology class we discussed the DSM4 and the 5 Axis (or Axi ? ) ... anyway there are 5 of them.
 Axis I, is where a therapist/counselor/psychologist would code the client for any current disorders..anything and everything is here from autism to anxiety.,..
Axis II, any personality disorders (a long standing inflexible, maladaptive personality trait that is impairing the persons functioning.) For example a psychopath has an antisocial disorder..
Axis III is any medical condition that the person may have (be careful here for hypochondriacs hahaha they've got them all ha.. oh that's not funny.. ok it is a little).. For example: someone with generalized anxiety (axis 1), may have a dependent personality (axis II), and they may have hypertension and high blood pressure (axis 3) you see how these are all related!?
Axis IV is the Psychosocial and environmental problems a person may have, perhaps they are homeless, have no insurance, no job, financial problems, marriage problems.. the list goes on and on. Axis V is their current level of adaptive functioning (THAT is quite a long list I won't go into much detail.. ok just a little in a minute)...
So take this example
Imagine a a herion addict ... on axis I they have substance dependency.. Axis II may have an antisocial personality...on Axis III maybe they shared too many needles, now they have HIV or hepatitis C, they could be homeless, Axis IV.
In order to determine their level of adaptive functioning one would want to use the GAF (global assessment of functioning) Score.. this is from a 1-100 (being number one on this scale is NOT desirable..that would be something close to being in a mental hospital strapped down to a bed doing .. well not doing anything much.) I would have to agree with my professor and say I know no one that is a 91-100 .. a 91-100, if they exist they have superior functioning over a variety of activities with no symptoms or conditions... if you find this person I bet they are pretty annoying or boring.
Most people are about 61-80, a transient/mild with predictable reactions to stressful events, mild symptoms, a little anxiety or depression every now and then, may have some difficulty at work, sometimes can't sleep.. etc...
I would much rather be in this range than the 21-40 impairment/hallucination zone.. think shopping cart lady that argues with an illusion.. no thank you! anything lower than 20 they definitely need to be watched they are a danger to themselves and others...Who decides what your score is? A counselor, of course. And according to my professor scores can go up; there is HOPE!

Then, last Tuesday night I went to an amazing class called Counseling/Psych 174: Introduction to Counseling. I have a great, talented, smart instructor and I am super excited about this class. We talked about counselors, their issues, and how they need to be self aware so they don't unknowingly bring biases into a counseling session.  During this class I realized one of the many reasons I am obtaining my Master's in counseling... my favorite part of teaching junior high was developing their trust...the interactions with my students, giving advice, being real, enjoying their company. I think that Junior high students need an outlet, besides just their peers and parents,  a safe adult to talk to and reach out to and to look up to as a role model. The teaching part is fun, don't get me wrong, but teaching basic facts is boring, teaching life lessons, now that's where the real fun is!  Tonight we will discuss Ethics. I get to find out if it is ok to buy kids lunch.. I hope so...

This morning in my abnormal psych class we talked about tests... like the ink blot kind of tests... my professor asked if someone  was fixating on perhaps female anatomy that maybe they would be categorized with a problem.. of course always the funny one I retorted with "or they may be a gynecologist " Don't worry he thinks I am funny, and doesn't take me seriously. Anyway, then he showed us some ink blots from the Rorschach... The first one I saw the Eiffel Tower and a girl next to me saw seahorses.. some other people in class saw some other cool things.. anyway he told me and my elbow partner that we are lucky to sit together  because we both answered the way a normal person would/should. Ha! I thought that was hilarious news. Then he said we should take these "ink blots" and other discussed tests with us when we are pursuing our potential "suitors".. Of course we all laughed, but then I thought "Oh my poor husband! He's going to get analyzed for life!"

What do you see?

Well, I am sure you are super excited to have read a small bit about what I am learning about right now. Be excited, be very excited.
Maybe next time I will blog about some more cool stuff Claire is up to...like vacuuming couches..

Oh, and number one lesson from my psych teacher: Empathy is key.

Disneyland 2013

Disneyland.

5 girls.
1 hotel room
1/2 marathon

running
swag

Lounging poolside

exploring
eating
California adventure

Mouse Ears

And.. I'M IN!!

			Master of Science in Counseling; option School Counseling and Pupil Personel Services Credential.....that's a lot to say at once! School started today and I got accepted.... TODAY! After taking a semester off (contemplating Masters programs Reading or Counseling which one which one??) I am BBAAACKKKK!! This will be me for the next 2 years ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I got to enroll today, and of course most of the classes I need are full or wait-listed. Don't worry that won't hold me back one bit. The classes I will be taking will start Monday afternoon/evening, which is perfect since I am going on a fun girls trip this weekend to Disneyland where I will run a half marathon, great way to start the semester off, right? Now I REALLY have something to celebrate : ) I have been anxiously awaiting this wonderful news for several weeks now and this morning I woke up to this notification on My Fresno State portal: Congratulations! You have been admitted to CSU, Fresno. Spring 2013 Postbaccalaureate Counseling-School Counseling I will be spending my days here ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Great news right?

Working it out

Obstacles come in many forms. Mine are the following:
I don't have time. Who will watch Claire? I'm not strong enough. I'm not tall enough. I'm not fast enough.
I can counter each and every one of those today with a easy answers. There is time. Claire is cared for by MANY people that love her. I am strong enough, tall enough and fast enough to do anything I want.
Excuses, or obstacles as you may, can take over. I have always been a positive thinking person, but recently I have began to recognize when these thoughts try to take over that they are not MY thoughts, not healthy thoughts, and I have no room in my head for them.
Christmas 2005 something opened my eyes to the fact that my family medical history was kinda disheartening. I never got to meet my Grandpa Gary (my mom's dad) as he had a heart attack (or stroke I'm not sure) at the age of 39, in 1982, while playing racquetball with a friend a couple of weeks before Christmas. My family needs to be conscious of our heart health and cholesterol (especially on my mom's side.) My dad's family health history is a little less known, besides knowing that he has an addictive personality (to beating women and doing drugs, fun stuff right?).
So, in 2005, I am not sure what happened, but something clicked. I realized that if I am going to be heart healthy I needed to do some cardiovascular routines and if i am going to be addicted to anything it will be fitness, so I can live a long healthy life for my family.
So, I started off small. I ran a few blocks from the apartment Chase and I shared to the local high school track. (Yes we had an apartment together in 2005 and yes we were not married until 2007, just in case you're keeping track). I would run to the track, run around the track a couple of times, and then jog/walk home. I remember feeling good after running, but I got terrible shin splints. Well, wouldn't you know, shoes make a giant difference, this took me a while to find out, so I didn't run much. Then, Spring Semester of 2008 I took a step aerobics class at COS and a weight lifting class about an hour after. I would do step, then I had an hour to kills, so I would run a few laps around the COS track... and then go to weight training. A few laps turned into a few miles by the end of the semester it was exciting counting from 4 or so laps to 24 or so laps ( and counting my miles saying I ran about 3 miles a week to about 25).
 The instructor I had for step took our measurements (waist, hips, legs, bust, arms etc.) and at the end of the semester measured again. I noticed a considerable difference and I knew I had to keep this up.
I tried keeping it all up on my own. Doing many of the weight lifting moves that my teacher (the football couch) had taught us and cardio at my local gym.

I got pregnant in 2009, and lost that child. A very ignorant person told me that it was my fault  I lost the baby, due to working out too much. I got pregnant again a few months later and continued working out just as much and was blessed with the ability to run 7 miles the Sunday before my daughter Claire was born. I totally kept it up and that ignorant person was proved dreadfully wrong. Still thinking about being in that grieving time I am sad that a person could say something so hurtful, yet I know it was out of ignorance and not cruelty.  (Same person blamed my recent miscarriage on having taken birth control before, THEN told me I work out too much again! LOL).  Just a simple clear disclaimer, do what your doctor says is OK! Don't listen to other people that don't know your medical history, problems or anything else that may be going on.
So, I had Claire in 2010 and I knew this amazing trainer, that was always getting results, at my local gym. I wanted him to be my trainer, but I used those excuses listed above, that I wasn't good enough for a personal trainer, I mean seriously, who am I? Am I famous?? Am I rich? Why do I deserve a personal trainer? All excuses and lies that I conquered.  Now I have the BEST trainer in the world. He seriously gives us his all every class and helps us learn about proper diet and nutrition (a lot of times debunking myths, or explaining that supposedly healthy foods are actually not.) So, not that I am trying to sell my personal trainer (I don't want someone stealing my spot!!) but his name is Marcel Walker and honestly he gets it done. Here is a linkhttp://www.sweatunlimited.com/
SO, I have been going to Marcel's bootcamp style classes since 2010. When my diet is off my workouts suck, honestly. So, recently I have been really working on my nutrition. Maybe I will post a few recipes on here, but honestly I eat a lot of protein laden foods, add protein powder to my almond milk and coffee (that's one of my favorites!), tons of vegetables (lots of leafy greens, green beans, spinach and bell peppers, just to name a few favorites), and small servings of  carbohydrates like a half cup of rice, tortilla, whole wheat english muffins (perfect for individual pizzas loaded with veggies and chicken), eggs, cottage cheese (my favorite)... etc.. I could go on and on...

It took me a long time to get where I am today with a lot of slip ups and mess ups. I am working it out one day at a time. Oh, and I really want this shirt (it is for sale on Etsy, just in case Chase Dobbins was wondering where to find it..haha). This saying, "Destroy Yesterday" reminds me that all of the negative thoughts and all of the mess ups, are in the past and I can destroy them with an amazing workout and good choices today.

My daughter does the sweetest things

So, my daughter Claire does the funniest and sweetest things in the world. Of course I am partial because she is my very own child, however I am thinking if I don't write these memories down once in a while someday I will forget them... So, today I will share a few with the world.. Some of them will be very recent.. some from long ago...

When Claire was about 1.5 she would try to say "I love you" of course those syllables were hard for her to dictate, so instead she would say what sounded more like "apple." I finally figured out that she was saying 'I love you' when I would tell her "I love you" and she would respond with "Apple mommy" or "Apple Daddy" to Chase. So for Father's day Claire and I made Chase these:

Of course we had to give him sunflower seeds and a Monster Energy drink in a World's best dad coffee mug, not just that coupon book! that included amazing coupons (that never expire) for free hugs, homemade dinners, breakfast in bed, options to sleep in and the like. 

Next funny thing Claire has done recently, would have to be last night she sang me a sweet song..Let me preface this with the song CLaire sang at her thanksgiving luncheon for school. It was this

Turkey Turkey

Big and Fat

I'm going to eat you

Just like that!

so naturally she changed the lyrics for her sweet mom:

Mommy Mommy
Big and Fat

I'm going to eat you

Just like that!

I explained that it isn't nice to call people fat... so naturally she sang it again and again.. she is actually singing it now. 

Then there is the point she makes to me many times throughout the week. Let me start by saying we have 3 dogs: Jake (boston terrier), Molly (rat terrier) and Abby (our german shepherd, who recently moved to a bigger house with a giant yard.. much more fun for her!!) So, almost everyday Claire reminds me that our dogs are NOT people because they do not have thumbs and they cannot talk, like maybe I forgot.

She asks me who anyone and everyone are. Random people driving by, people at Target, and people at the dr.'s office to name a few. I typically laugh and say I don't know.. but recently she's been more insistent saying "Yes, but who IS that??!" I explain I don't know that person, and she doesn't take no for an answer. (don't tell, but sometimes I make up names and stories about people just to placate her.)

Finally, Claire's age changes daily, sometimes several times a day. I will tell Claire something such as  "When you are 5 we will go to Disneyland." She will respond very straight forward with "I am 5." When I told her she can have earrings at 10 she looked me in the eyes, with no hesitation, and said "I am 10." 

I need to write more of these things down. They are hard to remember all at once and I am laughing daily, hourly and moment by moment by her funny sayings. I am smiling all day long at her sweet nature and her kind words. I am truly blessed with this little ball of fire, and believe me she is a pistol, and I will have many more stories to come.

Six on the 6th

Chase and I met in high school... actually there are photos of us (and videos) playing when we were about 4, but we don't remember that! Yesterday was our 6 year Wedding anniversary. Here is our story in short:
The first day I remember my future husband speaking to me was our freshman year of high school. I was 15 and 4'11, he was 4'10 and still 14 (his birthday not being until December), the year was 1999, the month was September.
We were hanging out in the ASB room, which is obviously where the cool kids were! There were chairs and a vending machine with all sorts of treats. His group of friends (all guys) sat in a circle of chairs and once in a while looked over at my group of friends (girls) that giggled and acted silly. I assumed they were making fun of us, because that's what boys did. Turns out, years later I was told, they were actually "flirting." Well, I went to the vending machine, to complete my extremely healthy lunch of chips and peach flavored Snapple, to buy a candy. I walked to the machine and Chase walked to the machine at the same time. I purchased a Reeses Peanut butter cup candy and he used the line I will never forget... "Reeses, huh?" I was all flustered (thinking they were making fun of me and retorted "Yes." and ran back to my safe chair with my circle of friends. I told them the story as if they hadn't seen the whole thing play out in person.
Of course, being a freshman girl in high school I assumed that since he was making fun of me he MUST like me and that he would obviously ask me out. Never happened. A couple of years later, 2002, we were in the same summer school P.E class... Of course we saw each other in the halls and I heard his friends laughing, so I continued to think they were making fun of me. (Later I found out they were teasing my future husband for having a crush but doing nothing about it).
My sister, Justine, and I rode our bikes everyday to summer school. We didn't wear helmets and one day got stopped by a police officer that gave us a warning to wear them or else. So, the next day we wore these ridiculous giant ugly helmets (not CUTE one bit they were like 80's helmets with bright paint splatters on them and everything). We were that cool. Well as we were crossing the cross walk, obviously hoping no cute boys would ever see us, what happens?? We almost get run over, by an entire car full of just that. The driver, a friend to this day, wasn't paying attention to the clearly marked cross walk and skidded to a halt, nearly killing us. Who was in the passenger seat? Chase. Who made fun of our helmets and us almost dying at the hand of his best friend? Chase. Who talked to me during P.E class swim time? Chase.
Summer school came and went. I never got to ride in his bright green Jeep to lunch, (a daydream I had during high school), the very one that sits in our garage today. I spent my days in the library or choir room, doing homework, studying for exams, and of course reading books. Chase wrestled, dyed his hair all sorts of colors, had a few piercings and grew about a foot.
I graduated top of my class, sang the star bangled banner with a group of friends, worked at the dollar movies that summer and went off to Harding, a school in Arkansas, had a crappy boyfriend that I felt I deserved (and know now that I didn't) broke up with that loser, cut off all my hair and started working in a computer lab at school.
Chase ditched graduation ceremony to hang out with friends, continued working at Carl's Junior, and started pursuing his goal of working for law enforcement.
One day, September 19, 2004, out of the blue he sent me an MSN message. Remember those messenger things? Yup, those were the good ol' days. He asked me how I was and I told him I was doing well, recovering from a bad relationship that had ended in July, but that creepy guy wouldn't let it go! I explained  where I was, what I was doing and how neat it was to hear from him after all of these years.  I came home for Thanksgiving break, we went to see "Shall You Dance" and then went on a walk. November 19th 2004 we had our first kiss.
2005: I came home from Harding for Summer break. I still held my job at the dollar movies and so I worked there. Chase graduated from the police academy and started a job at the Sheriff's department that December. The dollar movies closed. I started working at CSD and continued my pursuit of an AA degree at the local community college, COS.
2006: April came, we were engaged.
2007: January came, we were married. September we bought our home.
2008:  I graduated COS
2009: We lost our first child (7/8/9). Chase was baptized  (8/12/09)
2010: We were blessed with the life of Claire Dionna Suzanne Dobbins (5/12/10). I graduated from Fresno State with my BS in Child Development.
2012: I graduated from Cal State TEACH with my teaching credential. We lost our 3rd child (11/27/12).
2013: We have shared 9 years together and 6 years of marriage (1/6/7). So far I am optimistic about the year to come.

Through losses, disappointments  and failures (mostly on my part), celebrations and victories we have stuck together.  I know that we will have many more years together. My husband has accomplished so many wonderful things, but of course our most wonderful accomplishment  thus far in life is our  faith in God, our daughter Claire and our love for one another.

Friends are Free

This morning a Taylor Swift song came on Pandora and Claire saw the picture on my phone and asked me "Who's that girl?" I answered, Taylor Swift. She replied "I want to go see her!!" She was thinking that this "Taylor Swift" person was just a random friend that I have, haha. I said "Well Claire it costs a lot of money to go see her." She didn't quite understand,  of course, she is 2.5 and doesn't grasp the concepts yet.
This got me thinking. Why does it cost so much money to go see a person? What makes that person so much more valuable than anyone else? Don't get me wrong, I attend concerts,  I know that it costs money to put on a show. I am just wondering now why we pay so much to be in the same vicinity as someone that the world has deemed a celebrity.
What does it cost to go see a friend or family member? Nothing.  (don't get technical with gas and maybe lunch, haha).. In my opinion friends/family are worth much more than money can buy.
So, that made my lunch date with my friend Suzi today all that much sweeter. I realized that she was choosing to spend time with me because I am valuable to her and I was choosing to spend time with her and she wasn't making me pay anything to see her, and she is ENTERTAINING people! (Well actually all of my friends are entertaining, that's why they are my friends).
Suzi and I haven't seen each other since a funeral a few years ago for a co worker. A man that we all admired for his strength and courage to never stop fighting for his health. His favorite show was the biggest loser, (mine too) so when I see it  I think of him and his courage, his funeral and the girl he left behind that loves him still..(Also,Biggest loser premiers tomorrow, just in case you love that inspirational stuff like me.)
Suzi told me her story, a story I will never forget and I will cherish forever. I told her she needs to write a book, and I am serious! She met a boy when she was at a summer camp as a young adult, they worked the camp the next year together, of course like stories go they fall madly in love. Then she never heard from him again!! She has wondered all these years, what happened to him? Why didn't it work? (Long story, but we decided it was God's perfect timing!) They lived their separate lives, went through many trials and hard times and then....She found him recently and he asked her the exact question she had always wondered. "What happened to us, why didn't it work?" She was dumbfounded, how could HE ask this? Here is the Nicholas Sparks part, he told her he called and wrote everyday, but her letters were returned and her father told him she didn't want to speak to him and to stop calling!! Her dad returned the letters. She is still loved, had been loved, was loved and thought it didn't exist for her. Why her dad returned the letters and sabotaged her love doesn't concern her now. She has been reunited with the one her heart desires and she is happy. I am so incredibly happy for her.
I am glad that I got to meet with Suzi today, glad I get to meet with any friends at any time. Beware friends, as I am writing, I may write about you! (of course I will ask for your permission first, because I'm nice like that. By the way, thank you Suzi for letting me share your story here).

Isn't it so wonderful to know that people that love us, want to spend time with us and care about us will let us do so for FREE! We don't have to pay $100 to see them from a distance and simply listen to their voices from afar. We can interact and be a part of their lives. Distance may separate friends from those they care about, but in Suzi's situation time and distance ended up being no obstacle at all.
If spending time with someone is costing someone something, probably not money, but something they hold dear, I woud advise they don't spend time with that person. If someone is hurting on the inside, their self worth diminished, they feel like less of a person because of another's insecurities, hatred and ugliness inside I would say get away, fast. RUN. Those people are not friends.
However, if there is someone you know you can't live without, you hold them dear, and they bring out the best in you.. spend time with them. Treasure them. Treat them like they ARE a celebrity, as if you actually would pay $100 just to be in the same room as them. True Friends are golden. I am blessed to have many.
 Friends shouldn't cost a thing. Friends are free.

Childhood dreams

"Some dreams stay with you forever

Drag you round and bring you back to where you were
Some dreams keep on getting better
Gotta keep believing if you wanna know for sure
....

Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart"

--Eli Young Band



Thinking back to my childhood I remember my dreams.

One dream I had was to be discovered by some sort of talent scout. I imagined that I was a wonderful singer and I would be on tour and famous. Once I dreamed I had a twin that I had been separated from at birth and I would someday find her and we would be like the Prince and the Pauper and we could switch places for a bit and I could be a princess.

I also remember day dreaming. I would stare in the mirror and try to imagine what I would look like as an adult. I had never thought very highly of myself, but I imagined that I was going to be beautiful as an adult. I also kept (and still keep) a journal and I imagined that someday people would want to read it and I could publish it! (Ha!)


Dreams can become reality.

Ok, I wasn't discovered by any talent scouts, but I have been discovered in so many other ways. People that love me have discovered that I have good things to offer. God gave me the gift of a child, my daughter Claire and a husband, Chase, and I have discovered that to them I am a famous singer and they will listen to me gladly.
I never met my long lost princess twin, but I have learned to appreciate being one of a kind. I have realized that I am God's princess and I am valuable to Him.

And some days I look in the mirror and I actually do feel beautiful. Most of the time I don't recognize myself, but I am learning to see the good.
I still keep my journal and I feel that by keeping this blog I am, in a way, publishing the memories from my journal.




So, now as an adult I am learning lessons from my childhood dreams, while interpreting my adult dreams and goals.



I dream that Claire will grow up to be a confident, lovely, caring young woman with every opportunity at her fingertip.

I dream that I will continue my college education and learning forever.

I dream of traveling the world.
I dream of helping people with my life and showing them God's love and beauty in the world.

I dream of reading wonderful books and perhaps writing one of my own.

I still dream of being famous, for something wonderful and good.

I dream of running and being a stronger woman through all of my years.




I am going to try to fulfill these dreams, but I am open to the possibility that these dreams will come true in a way that is not what I expect. What does it hurt to dream? I am praying that my dreams come true. Like the Eli Young Band sings, I will keep on dreaming, even if it breaks my heart.

Running away with books

"What you read when you don't have to determines what you will be when you can't help it." --Oscar Wilde


I read anything and everything. My daughter is the same way. She doesn't have the capability of actually phonetically reading text yet, as she is only 2.5, but she does make up stories. Last night we gave her a bag of new clothes and she chose the coupon as her favorite part of the package. She told me to read it. There was a picture of a model girl on the front and a model boy on the back with tiny fine print writing, explaining how to procure 20 percent off of a purchase. She didn't care about that. She wanted their story. I made it up. The girl loved butterflies and the boy loved fishing. So the story went, nothing exciting exactly, but she had me read it again and again.
I  remember the one time I had decided to run away, as a child, I was about 10.  What did I pack? Well, of course I got my overnight case and I filled it with.... books. I didn't even think about anything else, no clothes, no money, nothing but books. My mom came into the room I shared with my little sister and brother and asked what I thought I was doing. I lied. (Although she knew, I am not sly at all). I said I was just organizing my books. I am laughing at the memory now. Where was I going to go? Was I going to sit under a tree and read books day and night with no food or water?

There is the question people sometimes ask about what one would do if the house was to burn down, without getting the obvious; my daughter, husband, family members (including pet dogs and tortoise)  what would I save?
I couldn't get all of the books, we have bookshelves full... I couldn't save all of the pictures (which are fortunately backed up on this computer).  So what would I take with me. I wish I knew, I hope I never get put in that situation and have to find out...

I honestly would give my entire house away if that was asked of me. I am not attached to it. I treasure the memories here, friends that have walked through, family that has lived here. I would do the same with my books. I treasure them like old friends, but I want to share them with the world. If anyone is looking for a book to read I give mine away willingly and I sometimes wonder where they are and what they are doing (my books), but I am glad someone else gets to share their beautiful stories. That's how I want to live my life; the purpose of blogging. I want to share my life like I share my books, share my stories, my experiences and hope they inspire others, encourage others, teach others and maybe even somehow open eyes to the beauty in the small things: coupons that become stories, dreams that can become reality.