My daughter does the sweetest things

So, my daughter Claire does the funniest and sweetest things in the world. Of course I am partial because she is my very own child, however I am thinking if I don't write these memories down once in a while someday I will forget them... So, today I will share a few with the world.. Some of them will be very recent.. some from long ago...

When Claire was about 1.5 she would try to say "I love you" of course those syllables were hard for her to dictate, so instead she would say what sounded more like "apple." I finally figured out that she was saying 'I love you' when I would tell her "I love you" and she would respond with "Apple mommy" or "Apple Daddy" to Chase. So for Father's day Claire and I made Chase these:

Of course we had to give him sunflower seeds and a Monster Energy drink in a World's best dad coffee mug, not just that coupon book! that included amazing coupons (that never expire) for free hugs, homemade dinners, breakfast in bed, options to sleep in and the like. 

Next funny thing Claire has done recently, would have to be last night she sang me a sweet song..Let me preface this with the song CLaire sang at her thanksgiving luncheon for school. It was this

Turkey Turkey

Big and Fat

I'm going to eat you

Just like that!

so naturally she changed the lyrics for her sweet mom:

Mommy Mommy
Big and Fat

I'm going to eat you

Just like that!

I explained that it isn't nice to call people fat... so naturally she sang it again and again.. she is actually singing it now. 

Then there is the point she makes to me many times throughout the week. Let me start by saying we have 3 dogs: Jake (boston terrier), Molly (rat terrier) and Abby (our german shepherd, who recently moved to a bigger house with a giant yard.. much more fun for her!!) So, almost everyday Claire reminds me that our dogs are NOT people because they do not have thumbs and they cannot talk, like maybe I forgot.

She asks me who anyone and everyone are. Random people driving by, people at Target, and people at the dr.'s office to name a few. I typically laugh and say I don't know.. but recently she's been more insistent saying "Yes, but who IS that??!" I explain I don't know that person, and she doesn't take no for an answer. (don't tell, but sometimes I make up names and stories about people just to placate her.)

Finally, Claire's age changes daily, sometimes several times a day. I will tell Claire something such as  "When you are 5 we will go to Disneyland." She will respond very straight forward with "I am 5." When I told her she can have earrings at 10 she looked me in the eyes, with no hesitation, and said "I am 10." 

I need to write more of these things down. They are hard to remember all at once and I am laughing daily, hourly and moment by moment by her funny sayings. I am smiling all day long at her sweet nature and her kind words. I am truly blessed with this little ball of fire, and believe me she is a pistol, and I will have many more stories to come.

Six on the 6th

Chase and I met in high school... actually there are photos of us (and videos) playing when we were about 4, but we don't remember that! Yesterday was our 6 year Wedding anniversary. Here is our story in short:
The first day I remember my future husband speaking to me was our freshman year of high school. I was 15 and 4'11, he was 4'10 and still 14 (his birthday not being until December), the year was 1999, the month was September.
We were hanging out in the ASB room, which is obviously where the cool kids were! There were chairs and a vending machine with all sorts of treats. His group of friends (all guys) sat in a circle of chairs and once in a while looked over at my group of friends (girls) that giggled and acted silly. I assumed they were making fun of us, because that's what boys did. Turns out, years later I was told, they were actually "flirting." Well, I went to the vending machine, to complete my extremely healthy lunch of chips and peach flavored Snapple, to buy a candy. I walked to the machine and Chase walked to the machine at the same time. I purchased a Reeses Peanut butter cup candy and he used the line I will never forget... "Reeses, huh?" I was all flustered (thinking they were making fun of me and retorted "Yes." and ran back to my safe chair with my circle of friends. I told them the story as if they hadn't seen the whole thing play out in person.
Of course, being a freshman girl in high school I assumed that since he was making fun of me he MUST like me and that he would obviously ask me out. Never happened. A couple of years later, 2002, we were in the same summer school P.E class... Of course we saw each other in the halls and I heard his friends laughing, so I continued to think they were making fun of me. (Later I found out they were teasing my future husband for having a crush but doing nothing about it).
My sister, Justine, and I rode our bikes everyday to summer school. We didn't wear helmets and one day got stopped by a police officer that gave us a warning to wear them or else. So, the next day we wore these ridiculous giant ugly helmets (not CUTE one bit they were like 80's helmets with bright paint splatters on them and everything). We were that cool. Well as we were crossing the cross walk, obviously hoping no cute boys would ever see us, what happens?? We almost get run over, by an entire car full of just that. The driver, a friend to this day, wasn't paying attention to the clearly marked cross walk and skidded to a halt, nearly killing us. Who was in the passenger seat? Chase. Who made fun of our helmets and us almost dying at the hand of his best friend? Chase. Who talked to me during P.E class swim time? Chase.
Summer school came and went. I never got to ride in his bright green Jeep to lunch, (a daydream I had during high school), the very one that sits in our garage today. I spent my days in the library or choir room, doing homework, studying for exams, and of course reading books. Chase wrestled, dyed his hair all sorts of colors, had a few piercings and grew about a foot.
I graduated top of my class, sang the star bangled banner with a group of friends, worked at the dollar movies that summer and went off to Harding, a school in Arkansas, had a crappy boyfriend that I felt I deserved (and know now that I didn't) broke up with that loser, cut off all my hair and started working in a computer lab at school.
Chase ditched graduation ceremony to hang out with friends, continued working at Carl's Junior, and started pursuing his goal of working for law enforcement.
One day, September 19, 2004, out of the blue he sent me an MSN message. Remember those messenger things? Yup, those were the good ol' days. He asked me how I was and I told him I was doing well, recovering from a bad relationship that had ended in July, but that creepy guy wouldn't let it go! I explained  where I was, what I was doing and how neat it was to hear from him after all of these years.  I came home for Thanksgiving break, we went to see "Shall You Dance" and then went on a walk. November 19th 2004 we had our first kiss.
2005: I came home from Harding for Summer break. I still held my job at the dollar movies and so I worked there. Chase graduated from the police academy and started a job at the Sheriff's department that December. The dollar movies closed. I started working at CSD and continued my pursuit of an AA degree at the local community college, COS.
2006: April came, we were engaged.
2007: January came, we were married. September we bought our home.
2008:  I graduated COS
2009: We lost our first child (7/8/9). Chase was baptized  (8/12/09)
2010: We were blessed with the life of Claire Dionna Suzanne Dobbins (5/12/10). I graduated from Fresno State with my BS in Child Development.
2012: I graduated from Cal State TEACH with my teaching credential. We lost our 3rd child (11/27/12).
2013: We have shared 9 years together and 6 years of marriage (1/6/7). So far I am optimistic about the year to come.

Through losses, disappointments  and failures (mostly on my part), celebrations and victories we have stuck together.  I know that we will have many more years together. My husband has accomplished so many wonderful things, but of course our most wonderful accomplishment  thus far in life is our  faith in God, our daughter Claire and our love for one another.

Friends are Free

This morning a Taylor Swift song came on Pandora and Claire saw the picture on my phone and asked me "Who's that girl?" I answered, Taylor Swift. She replied "I want to go see her!!" She was thinking that this "Taylor Swift" person was just a random friend that I have, haha. I said "Well Claire it costs a lot of money to go see her." She didn't quite understand,  of course, she is 2.5 and doesn't grasp the concepts yet.
This got me thinking. Why does it cost so much money to go see a person? What makes that person so much more valuable than anyone else? Don't get me wrong, I attend concerts,  I know that it costs money to put on a show. I am just wondering now why we pay so much to be in the same vicinity as someone that the world has deemed a celebrity.
What does it cost to go see a friend or family member? Nothing.  (don't get technical with gas and maybe lunch, haha).. In my opinion friends/family are worth much more than money can buy.
So, that made my lunch date with my friend Suzi today all that much sweeter. I realized that she was choosing to spend time with me because I am valuable to her and I was choosing to spend time with her and she wasn't making me pay anything to see her, and she is ENTERTAINING people! (Well actually all of my friends are entertaining, that's why they are my friends).
Suzi and I haven't seen each other since a funeral a few years ago for a co worker. A man that we all admired for his strength and courage to never stop fighting for his health. His favorite show was the biggest loser, (mine too) so when I see it  I think of him and his courage, his funeral and the girl he left behind that loves him still..(Also,Biggest loser premiers tomorrow, just in case you love that inspirational stuff like me.)
Suzi told me her story, a story I will never forget and I will cherish forever. I told her she needs to write a book, and I am serious! She met a boy when she was at a summer camp as a young adult, they worked the camp the next year together, of course like stories go they fall madly in love. Then she never heard from him again!! She has wondered all these years, what happened to him? Why didn't it work? (Long story, but we decided it was God's perfect timing!) They lived their separate lives, went through many trials and hard times and then....She found him recently and he asked her the exact question she had always wondered. "What happened to us, why didn't it work?" She was dumbfounded, how could HE ask this? Here is the Nicholas Sparks part, he told her he called and wrote everyday, but her letters were returned and her father told him she didn't want to speak to him and to stop calling!! Her dad returned the letters. She is still loved, had been loved, was loved and thought it didn't exist for her. Why her dad returned the letters and sabotaged her love doesn't concern her now. She has been reunited with the one her heart desires and she is happy. I am so incredibly happy for her.
I am glad that I got to meet with Suzi today, glad I get to meet with any friends at any time. Beware friends, as I am writing, I may write about you! (of course I will ask for your permission first, because I'm nice like that. By the way, thank you Suzi for letting me share your story here).

Isn't it so wonderful to know that people that love us, want to spend time with us and care about us will let us do so for FREE! We don't have to pay $100 to see them from a distance and simply listen to their voices from afar. We can interact and be a part of their lives. Distance may separate friends from those they care about, but in Suzi's situation time and distance ended up being no obstacle at all.
If spending time with someone is costing someone something, probably not money, but something they hold dear, I woud advise they don't spend time with that person. If someone is hurting on the inside, their self worth diminished, they feel like less of a person because of another's insecurities, hatred and ugliness inside I would say get away, fast. RUN. Those people are not friends.
However, if there is someone you know you can't live without, you hold them dear, and they bring out the best in you.. spend time with them. Treasure them. Treat them like they ARE a celebrity, as if you actually would pay $100 just to be in the same room as them. True Friends are golden. I am blessed to have many.
 Friends shouldn't cost a thing. Friends are free.

Childhood dreams

"Some dreams stay with you forever

Drag you round and bring you back to where you were
Some dreams keep on getting better
Gotta keep believing if you wanna know for sure
....

Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart"

--Eli Young Band



Thinking back to my childhood I remember my dreams.

One dream I had was to be discovered by some sort of talent scout. I imagined that I was a wonderful singer and I would be on tour and famous. Once I dreamed I had a twin that I had been separated from at birth and I would someday find her and we would be like the Prince and the Pauper and we could switch places for a bit and I could be a princess.

I also remember day dreaming. I would stare in the mirror and try to imagine what I would look like as an adult. I had never thought very highly of myself, but I imagined that I was going to be beautiful as an adult. I also kept (and still keep) a journal and I imagined that someday people would want to read it and I could publish it! (Ha!)


Dreams can become reality.

Ok, I wasn't discovered by any talent scouts, but I have been discovered in so many other ways. People that love me have discovered that I have good things to offer. God gave me the gift of a child, my daughter Claire and a husband, Chase, and I have discovered that to them I am a famous singer and they will listen to me gladly.
I never met my long lost princess twin, but I have learned to appreciate being one of a kind. I have realized that I am God's princess and I am valuable to Him.

And some days I look in the mirror and I actually do feel beautiful. Most of the time I don't recognize myself, but I am learning to see the good.
I still keep my journal and I feel that by keeping this blog I am, in a way, publishing the memories from my journal.




So, now as an adult I am learning lessons from my childhood dreams, while interpreting my adult dreams and goals.



I dream that Claire will grow up to be a confident, lovely, caring young woman with every opportunity at her fingertip.

I dream that I will continue my college education and learning forever.

I dream of traveling the world.
I dream of helping people with my life and showing them God's love and beauty in the world.

I dream of reading wonderful books and perhaps writing one of my own.

I still dream of being famous, for something wonderful and good.

I dream of running and being a stronger woman through all of my years.




I am going to try to fulfill these dreams, but I am open to the possibility that these dreams will come true in a way that is not what I expect. What does it hurt to dream? I am praying that my dreams come true. Like the Eli Young Band sings, I will keep on dreaming, even if it breaks my heart.

Running away with books

"What you read when you don't have to determines what you will be when you can't help it." --Oscar Wilde


I read anything and everything. My daughter is the same way. She doesn't have the capability of actually phonetically reading text yet, as she is only 2.5, but she does make up stories. Last night we gave her a bag of new clothes and she chose the coupon as her favorite part of the package. She told me to read it. There was a picture of a model girl on the front and a model boy on the back with tiny fine print writing, explaining how to procure 20 percent off of a purchase. She didn't care about that. She wanted their story. I made it up. The girl loved butterflies and the boy loved fishing. So the story went, nothing exciting exactly, but she had me read it again and again.
I  remember the one time I had decided to run away, as a child, I was about 10.  What did I pack? Well, of course I got my overnight case and I filled it with.... books. I didn't even think about anything else, no clothes, no money, nothing but books. My mom came into the room I shared with my little sister and brother and asked what I thought I was doing. I lied. (Although she knew, I am not sly at all). I said I was just organizing my books. I am laughing at the memory now. Where was I going to go? Was I going to sit under a tree and read books day and night with no food or water?

There is the question people sometimes ask about what one would do if the house was to burn down, without getting the obvious; my daughter, husband, family members (including pet dogs and tortoise)  what would I save?
I couldn't get all of the books, we have bookshelves full... I couldn't save all of the pictures (which are fortunately backed up on this computer).  So what would I take with me. I wish I knew, I hope I never get put in that situation and have to find out...

I honestly would give my entire house away if that was asked of me. I am not attached to it. I treasure the memories here, friends that have walked through, family that has lived here. I would do the same with my books. I treasure them like old friends, but I want to share them with the world. If anyone is looking for a book to read I give mine away willingly and I sometimes wonder where they are and what they are doing (my books), but I am glad someone else gets to share their beautiful stories. That's how I want to live my life; the purpose of blogging. I want to share my life like I share my books, share my stories, my experiences and hope they inspire others, encourage others, teach others and maybe even somehow open eyes to the beauty in the small things: coupons that become stories, dreams that can become reality.

Looking forward to the Future

"In the decades that passed since then, she never forgot how easily a girl could be sent away and ignored as if she had never existed. As she grew older, she realized that age was no protection: Wives would become inconvenient and be put aside as easily as daughters."
The Cross Country Quilters, Jennifer Chiaverini

I am a book reader. I actually started reading books in Kindergarten.. I remember my very first book being If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, the next thing I knew I was reading those big fat chapter books (You know classics like Tom Sawyer and Great Expectations, but they are written with pictures and GIANT letters??). Well I read and read... Reading was a way of coping, escaping, living different lives and so forth. This could be the very reason I am contemplating mastering in that very subject, Reading.

I think life would be lovely if I could read all day everyday and then just talk about books, as I would old friends. Share the memories, love and life they brought to  me. So that is what I am going to do, here... along with all of my other exciting life adventures, you know refurbishing tables and all....

So, let me explain the quote. When I was young my dad was not a good guy. I know this not from stories I have been told, but from actual memories. We had to get away from him and that situation... In many ways I always wished for a dad, especially when girls I played with told me about how great there's were, but EVEN when they complained about theirs, I wished mine would decide I was worth the fight over his addictions and problems and try to be a part of my life; needless to say this never happened..
When I was 15, approaching my 16th birthday I was offered a chance to move in with my grandma... I jumped on it... I abandoned my brothers and sister for my own happiness. I regret only that I couldn't take them with me... however this decision did wonders for me.  I always wondered if my mom would ask me to return home, but looking back I see the blessing she gave me in letting me stay there and never feel conflicted about it.

As this year of 2012 ends I am reflecting back on all of the hardships of the year, many brought on by my own stubbornness, pride, anger.... I've made an extensive list and I plan on ripping it into tiny pieces and burning it. I would say the worst things on there are the things that I actually couldn't control.... losing my child at 11 weeks pregnant... but that trial was for a greater purpose, part of God's master plan and while I am still grieving and will continue to for a while, I am not a victim of those circumstances. I would say my biggest mistake was not taking opportunities as they were given to me. This year I do not plan on passing these up. For example, I was offered a job, something about it didn't feel right, I didn't accept it.... Then I was offered another job, took it for a minute then decided it wasn't right for me... then I started looking for work, seriously looking and nothing turned up. Is God saying, why did you close those other doors that I opened so easily for you?? Or is He simply saying, good job, hold out, I have better things yet to come.. I pray for the latter and not the former.. and some days I think it is the former and I get especially down on myself.
So My resolutions for 2012 are as follows, but not limited by:

• Seize everyday and live it to the utmost, no regrets. This can be extended by saying to truly and fully make the most of everyday, not sleeping in, not wasting my time doing mindless activities (i.e. games on my phone, Facebook snooping, and Pinterest!! I am addicted to say the least)...
• Make sure the people around me feel loved, appreciated, needed and valued. I need not explain this MUCH but if I make sure to do the FIRST one, this this will easily follow.
• Pursue my dreams... go back to school, to start the journey towards my Masters Degree.. whatever it be in, probably reading, but maybe counseling, we will see.
• Make sure that God continues to be the center of my household. Claire loves the Lord, and I plan to continue instilling that love of God in her through my actions.
• Finally, take time for myself, my soul and my body. Some days I actually forget to do this, some weeks I forget, and  I am pretty sure there were a few months this last year that I hated myself so much I purposefully gave myself no time to love who I am. I plan on eating healthy, but treating myself when I feel it is appropriate and I am not emotionally eating. I plan to continue working out with my personal trainer of almost 3 years now, continuing my running journey (which I will also blog about quite a bit) which started almost 7 years ago, reading, praying, writing, singing and doing some other fun classes at the gym... .all of this just because I want to.

Ok, now that I went through all the bad stuff, junk I am throwing away, I want to celebrate a lot of Good. 

My daughter Claire turned 2 this year. She is such an incredible blessing to me and my family. While I prayed and thought she needed a sibling I am learning that that may not be in God's plan for her. I am OK with that. She is a tough firecracker, with spunk enough to get me through my days! Today she actually pedaled her tricycle all by herself with her feet!! She's been pushing it with her feet saying that was easier, but today she did it and kept saying "Watch me I did it!" These are the moments I live for... Also she is napping right now, I live for those moments too! She says the funniest things like when we asked her to say the Thanksgiving prayer and her mouth was FULL of potatoes, she simply stated "I'm eating po ta toes!" and kept on chewing away. Once she finished she said the most beautiful innocent prayer a person could dream of.
I graduated from the Credentialing program through Cal State teach with a couple of amazing girls in my cohort that I couldn't have celebrated without, Karen and Myra you two are special, let's go to lunch again.. OK THAT was an accomplishment... took me 2 years of Hard work, especially with a tiny baby to tote around and working full time and that school full time. I honestly don't know why I am so hard on myself when I look back and see these awesome good things I can do when I let go and tell God to take over.. of course I don't completely let go, I can't.. I'm too controlling... ha.

I ran a half Marathon in Hawaii in April with my sister and a couple of other girlfriends.  I was so excited to take my Medal to school and show it off to my Junior high students. They were pretty impressed that I ran 13.1 miles without stopping, but then again I was their P.E. teacher so they weren't THAT surprised. I ran a color run with my friend Christa, 5k in 22 minutes (she clocked it at 21, but we decided that was TOO fast so it must have been wrong haha)... I ran a 10k with this same great friend, her boyfriend Matt, my friend Alyssa, her husband and my husband, up at Bass Lake. and honestly the highlight of my running year was the 7 miles I ran at Baker to Vegas, a cop relay we enjoy going to and being a part of. That was fun.

This summer my husband had a work training and he left for 10 days. I realized while he was gone that I am actually a very independent woman. I kept the house running as usual, taking on his responsibilities (not mowing the lawn, I don't do that), but I did take care of the garden and the plants outside. Claire was kept safe ALL year long (not just this time period), but I felt pretty good for accomplishing that, and we did some fun mom/daughter bonding activities (also not just during that time, but that moment really stands out)... I kept my house clean, made yummy food, worked out, and took care of my dogs too.. I guess even after being a 28 year old women that was the moment I decided I am not just playing house anymore, I am an adult with responsibilities and I can do it on my own, that makes me feel pretty strong.

I read a bunch of books this year. May not seem like a big deal, but taking time out to read a book is finding that "me" time that I need. I plan on continuing that.

Finally, last but not least, I was a part of a fun production "A Christmas Carol" put on by the Wish Theater and Koinonia Church. I had a small role, but I felt like I made a big difference. I don't always feel like I have gifts I can bless people with, but I finally felt like I was blessing others and glorifying God with my talents by doing this project.

Looking back on my year I feel incredibly blessed. I am going to continue to focus on these good things, forget those bad things that the devil keeps reminding me about. When he brings them up I can now simply say, (Or try to say) I see what you're doing, I am not that person, I am not that victim and I am not going to live in the past, but look forward to the future and continue looking for every opportunity to glorify God with my life.

Table Re Vamped!

I bought a "Kitchen Table" at a local thrift store for $40. I knew it was exactly what I was looking for and dreaming of as my scrapbook table. Ask my husband and he will tell you my least favorite thing in the house is the woodgrain in EVERYTHING we own. I like colors, I like pops, I like feelings, I like something different! So what did I do? I went on Pinterest and found a paint that can cover anything without sanding (because I am not THAT adventurous). So I bought this at Walmart..

First I painted the table with this lovely white primer. I let it dry overnight. Then I painted it with Peacock Blue! A lovely choice if I do say so myself. I love it! It has character.

Then I placed it in my guest room that I organized all day! I was so happy to go through everything I have scrapbook/photo/memory wise and put it all in one place! Ever binder, picture, book and box has a purpose and a place and I couldn't be happier.